My Father is a Child Molesting Pedophile.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:00PM in ramblings (This is a very serious blog entry. If you’re looking for a funny story, this one isn’t it.)
I’ve been putting together an auto-blog-ography and as I’ve been doing this I’ve been trying to figure out how to communicate this one fact about my life in a sea of amazing and wondrous adventures. I don’t want to profit from this monstrous story but I do believe that people should know about him and people like him. There’s no way to romanticize this tale. It’s a simple fact. My father, Kevin Morgan Sorbello: Freemason, Shriner, IQ 180+, an upstanding citizen of Washington state, Officer in the Merchant Marines… Is a Child Molester. Sex Offender. Pedophile.
I haven’t really said anything before about this because I wanted to protect my family. Well, I did say something, but my mother told me to drop the charges when I was 12 because it would “Ruin our family”. When in reality it would have just ruined her gold digging dreams. I wanted so bad to not ruin our family. I wanted my parents to love me with every fiber of my being. I wanted to be a good girl. But isn’t that the parents job, to protect the family? When my mother was first suspicious about us (when I was 8) wasn’t it her job to protect me from him? Instead she yelled at me and it became my fault then the incident suddenly was just ignored.
Every incident was “ignored”, every time, for almost 10 years. And just when I thought it was over, that I finally got away, I get a phone call from my little sister. He had gotten to her too. I couldn’t protect her once I was in college. The court system set him free and she ended up in foster homes. Was she a bad kid? Absolutely not. Did she have issues? YES! No one believed her when she told people. To this day our entire family lives in denial calling her a Liar. How on earth could anyone treat another human being like that? They wonder why people like us turn to drugs or prostitution. Our mouths can’t scream but our souls cry out for help through our actions. If you disrespect our bodies, how can we learn to respect our own bodies?
I didn’t become a stripper just because. I was taught that. In exchange for me not “causing a ruckus” he paid me $1400/month in college. This isn’t far from having a Sugar Daddy and honestly very similar… except I actually loathed seeing my father and talking with him. Once I became a stripper I could supplement the income I had gotten used to and I didn’t need him anymore. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I could muster the strength to tell him to fuck off. I couldn’t do it alone. I had a friend there to help me communicate when all I could do is cry.
Where is Justice? Where is the law? When does Karma kick in? Here is a man who should be behind bars. Should have been behind bars for over 10 years. Who never even apologized for what he did. Where was the law to take him away when he was first investigated? Where was the law that should have taken him away when my sister pressed charges? Why would they take her away and send her to foster homes instead of sending him away? Why did no one ask us why we were lashing out? Why did no one ask us why we did so many drugs?
I just turned 30 this year, finally settling into my own being. Then it hit me… Here my mother had been with this man for 8 years, had 3 kids with him and out of the blue, around the age of 30, she finds out he is a pedophile. I can imagine the denial she went through. The utter disbelief that the man you married is someone completely different. But what did she care, he was gone for 9 months out of the year traveling the seas. Going from port to port. She had money and freedom. So what if she had to sacrifice a couple of things to get what she wanted.
Seeing this, knowing this as an adult, it’s just… sad. It’s disgusting and sad. He seems so very charming and pleasant to be around when you meet him. Interesting, intelligent, worldly and sure, everyone has his or her secrets… but this is a big fucking secret! I just have such a hard time imagining how he could get away with it for so long. I should have stopped it. I should have gotten the strength to get away. I lived a double life for so long. He taught me how to lie. He taught me how to manipulate. He taught me how to cheat.
He was supposed to be my father, not my lover, not my best friend. You don’t train your children like that. It’s fucked. And unfortunately he’s not the only one like that. There are thousands of people like him walking around with awards on their walls and smiles on their faces and warm handshakes and helping hands. I grew up where this behavior was ok but I knew there was something wrong with it. It didn’t feel ok even though he said it was ok. There’s a part of every child that knows in their gut right from wrong but the primal instinct to love ones parents overcomes because one desires to trust ones parents in their decisions. You trust that your parents will love you and protect you and make the right decisions for you.
I’m not asking for anyone to pity me, I’m way past that now. Don't feel sad for me. I’m writing this blog to share my story. I don’t want to profit from it, I want to educate people with it. I want to be able to give other women the strength to turn their offender in, something I wish I had the strength to do a long time ago. Had I been able to do that I wouldn’t have this memory haunting me, or maybe I could have confronted this memory a long time ago and wouldn’t have punished my ex’s when I was really punishing Him. Not turning him in is my only regret. Had I turned him in, he would never have gotten to my sister. Had I turned him in I wouldn’t wonder about anyone else he might have hurt.
Most everyone knows at least 1 person who has been hurt by someone like this. These people do not deserve to walk around like everyone else. These people are like murderers destroying lives slowly and over time. Breaking young, innocent, beautiful lives and minds down so as adults, they question their lovers and get back at these people through their lovers recreating this cycle in different forms of pain and hurt. We live in a society where half the people are broken and end up hurting the other half creating more broken and cold people.
The first step to fixing this is admitting that it is going on. There’s a big problem with America if every day someone is getting raped and no one is talking about it yet people are expected to get over it and move on. SO many issues can be nipped in the bud if this could just stop, if we could put these offenders away. It’s more common than not that people get molested by someone in their family… and that is just sick and wrong and needs to stop.
I’m writing this blog to educate.
I’m writing this because Child Abuse is an epidemic.
I’m writing this because I don’t want to include it in my Auto-Blog-ography.
I’m writing this because its time the world knows the truth.
Reader Comments (39)
Oh my gosh... I am so sorry to know that your childhood was destroyed by this animal. And you're right. I do know several of my friends who have been abused.. I want to hug my kids right and let them know how much I love them..
Thank you for this.
It's great of you to share this. I can hardly imagine how much courage it takes. You will help other people who face the same dilemna when they are you g. Good 4 U!
Yes, unfortunately, you are not the only person I know that has been victimized by these sick people.
Although I knew (you mentioned it before), I'm still a bit shocked and saddened that there are men (and women) out there that do this and allow this to happen. You are one of the bravest people I know... and will always love you and the strength you have.
brave & powerful.
i've always thought it's okay to sacrifice for what you want... but you do NOT sacrifice your children.
I can't possibly imagine what you felt like growing up in that situation. Nobody who's on the outside can say what they'd do in your place. It's awesome that you came out stronger, that you took what reality dished out and made your own life on your own terms. I hope some of your younger readers in trouble can use your story for inspiration/support.
We need to stop making this about the family's disgrace and more about the offender's actions. If we would ratchet down out righteousness a bit we could face these problems more effectively.
"[...] how incongruous and irrational the common temper of mankind is, [...] they are not ashamed to sin, and yet are ashamed to repent; nor ashamed of the action for which they ought justly to be esteemed fools, but are ashamed of the returning, which only can make them be esteemed wise men." -- Daniel Defoe, The Life and Adventures of Robinson Crusoe
Thanks for writing this. I could write a similar story about my dad, who shot himself in the head ten years ago.
you show a great deal of strength talking about something like this; while i wish you had something more positive to share, it is important that people know the truth.
i do not believe in heaven, nor hell but i hope that he gets what is coming to him.
WOW!
I did the same thing but shared it in writing...
Blog wasn't invented yet...
But You have a POINT, Talking about this will get it in the open..out of the "Taboo" where it is now...
It starts with one.....!!
Thank U
Heya :)
I don't know if you'll ever find the catharsis you're looking for. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you for the whole journey, but I know it's something you've been working out on your own through the years. I know part of that process of working through it was to do it publicly, something I have never understood but something I wouldn't take from you. I see reflections of it from the distance over the last decade in your work, actions, manias, sometimes extreme behavior, and flights of fancy.
I hope that only writing and working and talking about it can help, and that your engagement helps you find some grounding and moderation in your life. As we get older, we reflect on what makes us up and we re-approach all the things in life we didn't understand as kids, even if we were 21 year old kids:) I remember that during that confrontation with your dad I was trying to emulate my own father, thinking about what he would do and say in my head, and parrot that after you ran out. My dad always could deal with complex situations and render them simple and keep his cool, and I took advantage of all of those years of him being an intelligent anchor in my life. When I later recounted to Dad that I tried to say what he would say, he said something like, "I wouldn't have said anything to that son of a bitch because I would have been so busy smashing my chair in his face."
I love that he said that, because it shows that being quiet and balanced and internalizing the pain is not the "Adult" thing to do. It's actually the "Childish" thing to do.
Unconventional to common wisdom, as we get older, feelings, grudges, and abuse have a habit of intensifying rather then settling and fading. Make sure that you use that anger to never feel complacent, but insure that you never let it eat you up either.
Take care. Love you very much. "Holla" at Joe.
c
I am so proud of you.
Thanks.
I was molested from the ages of 7-10. So This does NOT just happen to girls. You are not alone.
You are an amazing person to have the strength to not only endure but to openly discuss it.
That is so terrible and intense that though I want to respond, at least just to acknowledge that I heard it, I have a hard time forming the words. I'll just say that I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm so very glad you survived and grew beyond it. I can't help but feel that your getting this out in the open is a good thing for the world.
You are stronger today for sharing this, and stronger still for naming names.
You are right, this happens far too often and I do know people that survived this.
Now the world knows that behind the thin facade of respectability lurks another monster. One can only hope that others learn this and are able to take this knowledge, and your strength, to heart and do something about it. If that means getting out of an abusive situation or turning someone in then good.
Good for you to finally start to talk about those things that have caused you so much pain. Hopefully now you can start to wrestle with your anger. Anger is the most dangerous of emotions. It needs to be recognized but is very allusive . You are a very beautiful intelligent woman who I hope you can find someone you trust to explore these issues. Therapy has help me in so many ways. I grew up in a home with a Mother and Father who where "pillars" of the community and raging alcoholics. Finally after years of suggest I have come to terms with most of the issues that have plagued me. I believe when we grow up in situations such as our I started to believe deep inside the bad messages that where sent to me from my parents. It took work to recognize what is the truth and what is bullshit. I feel so bad when kids are abused at a young age because it become part of who we they are. We become egomaniac’s with an inferiority complex. I had to learn or re teach myself that I am not garbage that I have a place in this world. That I am not better but am as good as everyone else. Good Luck on your journey. Please be open to different ways to deal with your past. When the abuse starts a part of us stops growing emotionally. We need to learn to trust and be vulnerable. That nothing can hurt us unless we let it. You are in my thoughts and prayers!. Thank you!! David John.
I could tell you to try to not feel guilty for not turning him in sooner but only you can free yourself from that. I commend you for coming forth and telling your story.
I had kinda already thought this was part of your life with how you have talked about your family, and from what i had noticed of how you were living your life.
You are so incredibly brave and beautiful, Satine. The fact that you have emerged as a strong, honest, powerful woman who is capable of love and being loved is a testament to your resiliency and unshakeable spirit. It's an honor to be your friend and I love you.